Between 2020 – 2021 my life fell apart. As my marriage dissolved, I stepped away from leadership in ministry for a time, to heal and grow. Through support from a handful of friends, my parents and sisters, and spiritual directors, I journeyed to a place of healing. In the year that followed I spent time volunteering for local non-profits, assisting vulnerable persons through harm reduction while taking courses at University, wondering what path I would travel. In my healing I was navigating grief and shame, rejection and a lack of purpose. At times I wondered how I might continue, how God was present in my life, and what my future might be.
During this time the Parish of Kokanee was experiencing grief and loss also. With the death of the Rev’d Jeff Donnelly, life in the parish shifted. Though we did not yet know it, the reality was that God was matching the trauma, grief and pain that I held, with a community that had experienced great loss. In many ways, we were both emerging from a wilderness experience.
Some say that experiences of great loss or trauma can help one to find deeper strength, resilience and purpose in life. Perhaps this is the case, both for me and Kokanee Parish. In the first two years of serving here, I have opened my heart to deeply love the congregations, and the communities wherein they dwell. In addition, I have experienced the great love of the parish, as well as deep respect, care, and love from the wider community.
This wilderness journey led me to a place of purpose and care, and over the course of this past year, led me to a desire to reaffirm my faith. Through the leadership of Bishop Lynne McNaughton and Canon Andrew Stephens-Rennie, I joined with seven other parishioners to learn and explore our faith. Two were baptized, two confirmed, and four of us reaffirmed our faith. Amid the journey, we all found ways of learning, sharing, and finding deeper meaning in community.
For me the journey was one of vulnerability and grace. As clergy, many times we are held in positions where we are assumed to be knowledgeable, wise, and set apart. The act of entering this process meant that I was invited to share in the process with those for whom I had promised to provide pastoral care, sacrament, service, and love.
As I interacted with this group, together we got to learn more about each other. The atmosphere was transformative, as we shared worry and anxiety, hope and wonder of our journey. In many ways, the eight of us had each experienced our own wilderness journey, and found that the community of faith had provided unconditional love, meaning and purpose, healing, and acceptance for us. We explored the various parts of “Christian Initiation” with the understanding that in this community, God was breaking down barriers, healing past hurts, and offering us a place at the table, a song to be sung, and a community to embrace.
At Pentecost, 2025, amid the liturgy and celebration at St. Saviour’s, the congregations of St. Mark, Kaslo, and St. Saviour, Nelson, witnessed transformation as eight publicly affirmed their faith. Each of us had opportunity to be upheld in prayer, and together with the candidates, all renewed our baptismal vows. Personally, as hands were laid on me in prayer, I remembered my confirmation, my ordination; my heart, though torn apart by my past, started a new journey of healing and celebration, blessed by the community, and loved by God.
Have you experienced pain and struggle in your life? Have you wondered how you might quell feelings of grief, anxiety or loss of purpose?
This Easter, amid the celebrations of resurrection, there might be an opportunity for you to explore the gift of community. Consider your journey of faith. If you have ever pondered exploring your faith more deeply, then maybe a journey of baptism, confirmation, or reaffirmation is for you. Have a chat with your family, your faith community, your priest, your bishop. Open up in prayer, and consider how God might be moving in your life. You may well step from a wilderness path into a celebration of love and hope.
Blessings
+David
