I live in a beautiful corner of creation. Forty-five minutes from the Alberta border, and about the same amount of time to the Montana border. I live, surrounded by mountains.
Fernie is in the southeast corner of the Diocese of Kootenay and can feel worlds away from the hustle and bustle of a big city like Kelowna. In Fernie we have a post office, two grocery stores, a half dozen churches and twice as many bars/restaurants.
There is a beautiful trail system which connects one end of Fernie with another. We have several sections that are part of the Trans Canada Trail. There are many hikes and walks I do regularly. From my back door I can walk to the Elk River in ten minutes and walk a trails system that covers many kilometers.
In July I was approved to have a bilateral prophylactic mastectomy, a surgery which was to prevent my chance of developing breast cancer. The day before the surgery I hiked to Fairy Creek Falls. It is considered a moderate hike, there are switchbacks and a total gained elevation of 115 meters (377.3 feet). The distance is 4.6 meters (2.86 miles) return.
I’ve hiked it a half dozen times since I moved here, and the Fernie Trails Alliance has done an incredible job of improving and maintaining the trails to Fairy Creek Falls. I hiked it the day before with a parishioner, primarily in silence. I felt I had something to prove to myself. If I could hike this well, arriving unwinded, then my fitness level had improved significantly since my arrival in BC.
We meandered our hike, which is how I like to walk. Not at a brisk pace, not at a dawdle… somewhere in between. Giving time to stop and observe the majestic trees, hear the roar of the waterfall, and inhale the sweet scent of creation. It was a quieter day when we hiked, seeing only a dozen or so hikers on the trail. And I arrived at the base of the falls, unwinded and grateful.
I came home with a sense of accomplishment and the desire to set a new goal – to hike the trail to Fairy Creek Falls one month after my surgery.
The surgery went well. My recovery was going well. Then I got a call from the surgeon that the initial pathology report indicated that cancer had been found in the left breast. Needless to say this was a shock. My first reaction was that the cancer was encapsulated and nothing further would be needed.
I was incorrect in that assumption.
The next three weeks were a blur of tests, trips to Cranbrook for procedures and all the while trying to figure out what I was going to do next.
I am a side sleeper and having a bilateral mastectomy means you’re dealing with drains on each side necessitating sleeping on your back. I don’t sleep well on my back. Thus I spent many hours in the middle of the night, the “dark night of the soul” as it were, trying to figure out what I was going to do.
I prayed, I raged, I sang, I wept, I listened to music. I danced, I cursed, I wrote, I read and I cried. And still I continued to heal.
I returned to work on Friday the 22nd of August. Worship on the 24th was good, although I had to share with my congregation that I did have cancer. My strength was returning, but I did not feel strong enough to hike Fairy Creek Falls.
So I set a goal of hiking it before the 1st of September.
On Friday the 29th of August I drove to the Trailhead and the parking lot was a nightmare. Not being a person who is particularly fond of crowds, I decided I would try the next day.
I arrived Saturday morning at 9:30 and found space in the parking lot. Armed with my sunhat, water bottle and the holy spirit, I started the hike. The switchbacks at the beginning of the hike were challenging, and I did them unwinded.
One foot in front of the other, I continued uphill, and when I finally came to a flat section I looked up and around. A canopy of trees, such beautiful green trees! I found a large tree, placed my hand gently on it, then reached out and hugged the tree. I wept, tears of joy, disappointment, gratitude and fear.
Composing myself, I returned to the trail and continued the hike. Five more times I saw trees and stepped off the trail to hug them, each time weeping tears of joy, disappointment, gratitude and fear. A couple of times I was passed by fellow hikers who simply hiked past me and for which I was grateful.
About 20 minutes into the hike, I could hear the roar of the falls and see the water of Fairy Creek. Magnificent!
Ten minutes more and the trail arced away from the creek and I could no longer hear the falls. I continued hiking, stopping when I saw a clearing to look out at the water, see the trees and hear the wind in their canopy.
My mind was clear, my heart was full and my goal was in sight. It took me roughly 45 minutes to reach the base of the falls. There is a side path that will take you right up to the falls, but it’s usually slippery and I’m not confident in my ability to traverse that close.
I closed my eyes when I saw the falls, saying a prayer of thanks to the Creator for bringing me to this breathtaking place. I felt safe. I felt loved. I felt well. In that moment, I recorded a short video remarking that “I DID IT” and cried a few more tears; of hope, of fear and of surrender.
I sat on a bench near the falls for a few minutes, until other hikers arrived, then I began the descent back to the trailhead.
In a moment of distraction I missed the fork and ended up going ten minutes in the wrong direction before I realised my mistake and corrected it. All in all, the return hike was just over an hour.
I returned to my truck feeling tired, yet refreshed. I had achieved a goal I had set before me. Before my surgery. Before my cancer diagnosis.
Fairy Creek Falls has always held a special place in my heart as a hike I could not do. Then as my fitness improved, it was a hike I could not do well. And now, it is a hike I CAN do. It has shown me that I am capable. That God remains with me.
I surrender myself to the fight that is before me. Trusting in the medical team I have. The oncology team I am yet to meet and the treatment that will take some time, and will return me to wholeness and wellness. I surrender to the belief that I have any kind of control over my life. That I can work my way through the fear.
I am so grateful that I live in Canada and we have the health-care system we do. I am so grateful to live in the beautiful province of British Columbia.
I am so grateful to live in ministry in the Diocese of Kootenay. And I am especially grateful to the people of Fernie Shared Ministry.
I will continue to do what I can for as long as I can. One day at a time. One foot in front of the other. Knowing that I am God’s Beloved Child. Just as you are.
Giving thanks to God from whom all blessings flow, let the Church say, AMEN!
