The traditional view of the season of Lent is one of denial, austerity and atonement. I can remember, as a child, being asked what I was going to “give up” for Lent. It almost always involved desserts and sweet things as that is what my Mam chose to give up, and as she was the head cook in the household, we ALL gave up sweets. Usually I would give up sugar in my tea.
It felt very sacrificial. To this day, I put honey in my tea. As I have aged, for me Lent is about giving something up that is harmful for me and picking up something that is life giving. In some cases it’s been giving up unhealthy behaviour, and replacing it with something healthy. For more than a decade my practice has been to give up negative self-talk and replace it with self-care. In 2024 I came closest to success than I ever have before.
I would make a mistake, and start to berate myself, and then I would stop and replace that negative talk with loving talk. It would often sound something like this.
Realising I forgot to send an email regarding a meeting.
“Well done, you stupid girl, you were supposed to send that email.”
“No wait, that’s unkind.” “Maybe so, but it’s still stupid.”
“Don’t beat yourself up. You forgot to do something. Send the email and schedule the meeting. People will understand. You’re human. You make mistakes. You’re still a good person.”
Yes I know. That reads in a very artificial way. It felt artificial. Yet it’s important to know we can change our behaviour, and it’s going to be hard work.
Last year I returned to journaling. Something I had done most of my adult life, until I stopped. I stopped because of fear and it took a while before I convinced myself that I could journal again and it would be safe. And so I have.
I have a journal I write in every night before bed. I record my day’s thoughts, emotions, and always end with prayer. Most of the time I write on the left and right side of the page, then sign off with an “Amen” and turn the page ready for the next day. I found a journal I had used over the summer and it had the date at the top of the page and the area where I was staying.
It was exciting to remember those trips and locations. Sorrento, BC; Peacock Point, Ontario; Missoula, Montana; Creston, BC; Golden, BC; Calgary, Alberta.
We have so much for which to be grateful. It can be easy to overlook our blessings when we get caught up in the atrocities occurring around the world. Strife is not a competition. Grief is not a competition. There will always be someone who is doing better than we are, or at least appears to be. There will always be someone who is in more distress than we are.
It doesn’t mean we have to pretend everything is well, when it isn’t. It doesn’t mean we have to downplay our joy. It means we should experience all emotions and be as gentle with ourselves as we are with others. We ARE gentle with others, are we not?
For this Lenten season I encourage you to slow down. Be fully mindful of everything you do. Savour your food instead of inhaling it. Look at your surroundings as you walk outside. Instead of being in a hurry to reach your next stop; stop and listen; stop and look; stop and smell. Give thanks that you are able to do these things.
I live in the mountains and have done so for nine years. I still find myself in absolute awe of the corner of creation in which I find myself. I try not to take for granted where I live, how fortunate I am to see mountains, make snow angels, pet the dogs, and feel the sun on my face. This Lenten season, rather than giving up drive-thru coffee, consider giving up negative self-talk or negative impulse reactions and instead, pick up gentle self-talk. Speak to yourself the way you would speak to your most cherished friend. Set down being a couch potato and pick up going for a 10 minute walk each day, or taking a walk instead of watching the next episode of your favourite show.
Treat yourself the way Jesus would: with care, with gentleness and especially with love.
