Christians try to promote justice in our world. Jesus told us to “love others as I have loved you.” (Jn 13: 34)
How would you respond to the following situation? Who is obeying God, and who is not? I will not share the name of the young lady in the story, but I am sure many others are in similar positions.
P is a 24-year-old woman, who grew up with her younger sister and brother in a small village in northern India. She stayed with me, for about 2 months, as an International Student. Her father owns a small farm and has no other income.
P found living here more difficult than she expected and decided to return home. A few months later, she was married (arranged marriage). Almost a year later, I heard that she had left her husband. Now her family has disowned her, and she no longer has any contact with her. She has no family, no husband, and nobody to support her. She was asking for help so she could return to Canada.
If she was your daughter, what would you do? Please consider this question before reading the rest of this article.
By leaving her husband, she had brought shame on her family. Female children are to be married in order of birth, oldest first, then the next oldest, etc. To change the order causes shame, with both social and financial implications. The family would have to pay a larger dowry, for a less desirable husband if a younger daughter is to be married before an older sister. By disowning the older daughter, some of the shame is reduced, and the options for the rest of the family improve.
P’s loving parents had a very difficult decision to make. They had to choose between the oldest daughter, and the younger children.
Knowing a bit about the culture makes judgement more complicated. I wonder what God is saying to the families involved (hers and the family of the man she had married?).
When we hear stories from cultures that we don’t understand, we need to be careful of our judgements. We often assume people in Canada share the same values, and are like us, only to learn they grew up in a world of addictions, were physically or sexually abused, or are neurologicaly diverse and never felt like they fit in. or…
In making judgements about other people we need to take time to understand each other better. We need to listen, to people and listen to God. We need to pray with and for others and ourselves. We need to pause and listen for the whisper of God, and be open to a response we had not considered.
Let us pray.
